friday freakshow

I'm wearing a denim jacket today.

Denim jackets are known for kind of going in and out of style.  And how they look and how you wear/style it is of the utmost importance and changes all the time.

I'M SORRY, WHO DO I THINK I AM? I just typed the above paragraph and now I can't stop vomiting. I stand by what I said, don't get me wrong. But the fact that I'm blogging about it like I have a CLUE what I'm talking about is pretty ridiculous. I watched an episode of The Rachel Zoe project last night and all of a sudden I'm a fashion icon.

Seriously, though, I consider myself to have decent style. I have gone through many bouts of bad style in my life, like almost everyone before they discovered fashion magazines or before the internet. I can't even talk about high school and in college I developed a thing for wearing concert tees like every possible day. But as I approach 30 (OH DEAR LORD) I think I've finally gotten into a groove of my personal style that isn't totally heinous. At least most days.

But today I am wearing a denim jacket. It still has purple hair dye on the inside of the collar from when I used it as part of my Hologram costume in 2010. I felt great about it last night when I decided it, good about it this morning when I left the house, and I've had many doubts since then. And it's only 10 a.m. I will probably die in a pit of self loathing before 5.

The reemergence of the jacket started last Friday night when we decided to go get a late-night milkshake and Kristin (for some inexplicable reason) did not have a jacket and needed to borrow one from my closet. So I went to the closet o' jackets and started pulling out everything ridiculous that I knew she would not wear. Fur vests, capes, beige leather, DENIM JACKETS. Kristin started trying everything on to prove how insane they looked and I started putting them on to prove they could be pulled off by me. (There is video evidence of this fashion show on Jessica's Vine, but I don't know how to show it to you slash I don't want to.) Everyone laughed and carried on at the denim jacket. Kristin eventually chose the beige leather moto jacket BECAUSE IT IS MAJOR and the rest of the fashion show was left thrown on my bed or chair, etc. for later.

A few nights later (maybe later that night? can't remember) Kristin was over and I was hanging up the mountain of clothes strewn all over my room.  I picked up le denim jacket and put it on again. "I feel like I could really pull this off if I style it right." We had probably just finished watching an episode of Project Runway, making me feel like I knew what I was talking about. Kristin surprisingly agreed. I imagined myself wearing all black with the stone-washed jacket and it just working. I stored it away in my mind for later.

Fast forward to last night; Aymara was over and we had just finished an episode of The Rachel Zoe Project (I have GOT to stop watching Bravo) so we were feeling particularly adventurous. I was trying on this weird tunic thing I've had for a year but never worn because I can't figure out how to make it look good and she was giving me some great suggestions. The shoe/coat closet door was slightly open and I spotted the jacket. So I gave Aymara the same pitch I'd given Kristin. She agreed and even threw out some more suggestions on how the jacket could be great. And so I decided right then that I could waste no more time with this jacket in the closet. I planned to wear my black skimmer jeans, a plain black top and the jacket.

This morning I was late to work because I became slightly paralyzed while getting ready. My favorite black flats that go with everything are seriously falling apart and I haven't found a good replacement. So I was trying on all these other black flats and nothing worked. I eventually ended up wearing the favs, even if they should be retired by now because the denim jacket is enough risk for one outfit. I looked at myself in the mirror with the jacket for what seemed like hours. I tired on different necklaces but nothing worked, so I went sans necklace. Finally I just threw caution to the wind and left for work.

I've caught my reflection in a few windows so far and I don't know how to feel. I THINK I like the jacket, but I don't know! What if everyone is looking at me and secretly thinking "Does this girl know it's 2013?" Luckily, everyone on my team at work are straight males so I don't think they really know or care. Everyone else that works here is far from fashion-concious; there is no dress code. (Literally I've seen a guy wearing pajama pants at work on several occasions.) So I'm  not too worried about it. But actually I am.

I just need someone I trust (or multiple someones) to tell me that this is ok! Or I guess tell me it's not ok. Just tell me so I know! I don't have direct access to Rachel Zoe, if I did I would not be spending my time writing blog posts unless they were about how maj she is.

And now, with the request that you be honest (but NOT brutally honest, just gently honest), I hesitantly post this selfie:

First of all, taking this photo in the bathroom at work hoping no one walked in on me what the most supreme stress of my life. I think I instantly regret this entire post, but my desire to know the truth is overpowering any shame I may have. Also, sorry for my facial expression. It's the expression of "WHY AM I DOING THIS JUST HURRY AND GET IT OVER WITH." I'm not very experienced at selfie facial expressions, MY BAD. I also realize you can't see the whole body, aka my pants and shoes, but this is a selfie we're talking about here. Options are limited. And I think you get the gist. And you don't have to tell me how amazing my hair and makeup look; I already know.

I think this is a new low, you guys. I know I say this like every other post, but I really mean it this time. This is a shame spiral I might not come back from.

PUBLISH.

YouTube Tuesday: ode to my high school locker

These clips of the week are dedicated to my high school locker, in which I hung magazine cut-outs of Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon. Now they are best friends and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.

A few weeks ago, to celebrate the release of his third solo album, The 20/20 Experience, Justin basically just hung out on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon every night that week. So many amazing things happened, I can't even talk about it. I picked my two favorites to show you.

If you recall, the last three times Justin has been on with Jimmy, they performed the magic that is "History of Rap" parts 1, 2 and 3. If you think they wouldn't do it again, YOU WERE FORTUNATELY WRONG.




I CAN'T EVEN. I have been watching this at least once a day for about a month. I can't stop smiling.

And if that weren't enough they had to go and do this, incorporating one of my favorite songs of all time:

Again, I can't even. That is basically the exact hair style Justin had in my locker shrine to him.  It should also be noted that my high school locker featured Kobe Bryant and Eminem. This has been a hard week for Kobe, after he injured his achilles tendon during a game, ending his season while rumors swirl about it ending his career and/or the Lakers cutting him loose. ANYWAY, I feel like he needed a shout out. I've loved him since the day he started on the Lakers fresh out of high school. 

This is what he looked like back then. And he is still straight OWNING it after all these years. 

And since this is an ode to my high school locker, let's have a shout out to Eminem as well.

There were also pics of me and my friends, but those aren't nearly as attractive. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am soooooo sick of NBC and their video posting policies. Every time I write a blog post about History of Rap or something else awesome that Jimmy does, I put up the video and before long, it's gone. They like only post stuff on YouTube or their website for like a second and then they take it down. It's so effing annoying I can't even take it. Then I end up running all over YouTube trying to find unauthorized versions and I usually do but then those get taken down as well thanks to NBC! I'M TRYING TO HOCK YOUR PRODUCT MAN. Why are you obsessed with keeping these precious gems off the internet? That's the only place they're doing you any good once they've shown on live TV! Then they're gone! There's no DVD of Jimmy Fallon's musical performances with Justin Timberlake. IF THERE WAS I WOULD BUY IT SO FAST YOUR HEAD WOULD SPIN. But there's not. So let me enjoy it online WHENEVER I FREAKING WANT. Put ads on it and make money for all I care! But do something. Because my hide is officially chapped. Hopefully you are watching these videos ASAP otherwise you are probably screwed. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE NOTE - Why would call these "author's notes?" It's a blog. Isn't this entire thing really an author's note? And I can't say "editor's note" because I don't have an editor. If I did, these posts would be a lot less insane and I would know if that question mark up there was supposed to go inside or outside of the quote marks. (Pretty sure inside, but it looks weird sometimes doesn't it?)  Anyway. Love Justin, Jimmy, Kobe and Marshall, HATE NBC with a passion. BYE.

interstate justice

You know how when you're driving on the freeway, perhaps commuting to work or something and you see someone driving in a fashion that you vehemently disagree with? Maybe you swear at them, I don't know. And you think to yourself, "I WISH THAT PERSON WOULD JUST GET PULLED OVER." And maybe somewhere down the literal road they DO get pulled over. But you're never there to witness it or feel the gratification of seeing them receive the ultimate form of justice - getting screwed by an evil cop.

But what if you were there to witness it? I realize this almost never happens. UNTIL IT DOES.

Which brings me to why I am blogging on a Monday morning when I like never blog these days because I'm too busy having panic attacks and getting stress headaches (which I have right now). I was driving to work today - which entails a commute of approx. 45 minutes, 30 of which are on the freeway. It's raining today. Hard. Probably not the best time to drive like a CRAZED LUNATIC. So I'm driving along in the left lane, the one next to the carpool lane. (Don't even get me started on the carpool lane in Utah. Nobody knows how to use it intelligently or legally and it is the supreme annoyance of my existence.) I'm just driving a normal freeway-in-the-rain speed, minding my own business, listening to a podcast, trying to avoid semi trucks that want to splash a million gallons of water onto my windshield, etc. Then this car comes speeding along in the carpool lane next to me, and then cuts me off, crossing the double white line to do so. I was aware of my surroundings and wasn't going too fast so I didn't have to slam the brakes TOO hard, but I was super annoyed obviously. And as any sane person who has driven in copious amounts of rain before knows, it's not the best time to be having to make abrupt stops. Not to mention the driver in question was BY HERSELF. So not only is she violating the speed limit by A LOT and violating just general safety standards about driving in the rain, she's just running around going in and out of the carpool lane like there aren't LAWS or something, while there are tons of cars everywhere on the morning commute which just completely defeats the purpose of the carpool lane to begin with!

Anyway.

Now that she's cut me off, she starts tailing the car that used to be in front of me. Then the next thing I know, this white Dodge something comes speeding up the carpool lane. It proceeds to also cut me off. COOL. Then he turned on his siren and lights because he was a sneaky highway patrol with no markings on the car and the lights INSIDE the car. Which I hate. I hate highway patrol in general which is another blog post altogether. BUT, in this case, I could not have been happier to see those lights.

He pulled that raving lunatic over and I don't know what he ticketed her for, since she was breaking like so many laws, but whatever it was, I felt vindicated. And maybe it's rude to revel in someone else's Monday-morning encounter with the evil highway patrol. But I'm not that great of a person so I don't really care.

Happy Monday!

YouTube Tuesday: Marry me, Jennifer Lawrence.

A year ago, I hated Jennifer Lawrence.

THERE I SAID IT.

I wasn't sure WHY I hated her, but I did. I think it originally stemmed from her role in X-Men: First Class as young Mystique. And I don't think it was her performance that I hated, I think it was really just the character of Mystique that I hate. Then they cast her as Katniss for The Hunger Games and I was PISSED. "She's blonde!" I decried. "She's too old!" "She has a round face!" (not that there's anything wrong with that - but Katniss is starving you guys. She doesn't have the rockin' bod that Jennifer does. She has a starving bod.) So I carried this hatred with me for months. Oscar nomination (for Winter's Bone) notwithstanding, I thought she was a terrible actress with a terrible personality that did not deserve my love or attention.

Never has anyone clawed their way back into my heart and good graces like J-Law. (That's what I call her now because we are fantasy best friends.)  I was already starting to warm up to her after I saw her as Katniss and realized she is a good actress and while I don't think it was the role she was born to play or anything, she didn't completely eff it up. Then she starred in Silver Linings Playbook and the Oscar buzz began. I started obsessing over her and Bradley Cooper as a potential Hollywood couple. For a second time (at the baby age of 22) she was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar and she was being interviewed everywhere. Then she WON the Oscar and the process of my obsession was complete.

This chick is seriously hilarious. And cool and like NORMAL. She is what I imagine I would like to be if I became a Hollywood star and won an Oscar and had to be interviewed all over the place. She's herself and herself is the best ever.

Obviously the only way to accurately get the picture is to watch some of these interviews yourself. Now I'm going to be honest. I have watched literally hours of J-Law interviews on YouTube. For research for this blog, of course. So I decided to narrow it down to Oscar-related interviews only because they are the most recent and the most amazing. Then I narrowed those down to my two favorites. You all have access to the internet, clearly. You can go on your own YouTube binge if you want, but I'll leave that up to you. (Personally, I can't think of time that would be more well spent.)

The first one is her full press interview after winning the Oscar, and it's amaze. The second one is her interview with George Stephanopoulos for GMA in which she gets interrupted by Jack Nicholson. It is the best thing I've ever seen. Her part at ends at 1:40 and then he starts talking to Anne Hathaway at which point I'm sure most of you will turn it off because everyone like hates her for some reason I don't understand, but that's another blog post entirely.

So now may I present Jennifer Lawrence in the role she WAS born to play: star of this week's YouTube Tuesday.






On a scale of 1 to lesbian, I'm like on level 8 or 9 of being in love with her.

unplug this blog

So yesterday was National Day of Unplugging. Well really I guess it was supposed to start on Friday at sunset and end on Saturday at sunset. Fine. So anyway, I kind of participated. But not really.

Here's the thing with "unplugging." I actually think it's a great and novel idea. But it's impractical unless you are a person with no friends or family or plans (which sometimes I am, but not always). Or unless you do some significant preparation. Which I didn't. Unplugging would require me to actually make plans with my friends before hand and I feel like that is kind of impossible. I don't know what my days will bring! I can't plan to meet you at the movies or go to brunch without being able to cancel and/or change the time on a whim!

Here's what I did to half-way unplug:

1. Went out for Thai food and only looked at my phone once (to tweet about Sriracha) because I was too busy making eye contact over three times with the cute guys' table across the way. Pretty sure one of us has a staring problem (me). Then I smiled and eye flirted with them on the way out. Old age has made me bold, apparently.
2. Finally watched Moonrise Kingdom. I die. (This counts as unplugging because it's watching a form of art that is a movie. Deal.)
3. Worked out Saturday morning with my exercise pal, Kristin.
4. Went and got a massage using my birthday gift certificate from Shannon and Shailynn.
5. Did a lot of reading. I have really neglected my books and I have a list a mile long that I want to get to. Yesterday I almost finished Jack Gray's Pigeon in a Crosswalk (amazing read it immediately) and perused Gary Vaynerchuck's Thank You Marketing (I'm reading it for work and it's ok but because I know it's for work it's harder to get into). I also devoured my Beyonce' issue of Vogue and some other magazines that have been piling up.
6.Went grocery shopping and bought some more magazines.
7. Took a nap, obviously.
8. Took a walk while I talked to Shannon for two hours while she drove from California to Vegas. (Okay so this is kind of like the opposite of unplugging but come on! She's my best friend. I'm not going to NOT talk to her for two hours.)
9. Watched Breaking Dawn Part 2 on DVD with Aymara. (I wouldn't really call this movie "art" but whatever at this point I obviously could not have cared less about unplugging.)

Ok so basically I didn't unplug so much as I got a ton of stuff done while checking my phone a pretty normal amount and using my computer for a normal amount of things, including watching Frasier on Netflix before I went to bed. If I had a tub, I would have also taken a bubble bath. But I don't.

Anyway.

I totally get the idea of a "National Day of Unplugging" because if you didn't have a day for it probably a lot of people wouldn't do it on their own. Buuuuuuut that's their choice? Whatever I don't know why I am analyzing this to death. My point is, if I come to a point where I really want/need to unplug I'll just do it on my own when I feel like it. I guess the whole idea behind "unplugging" is that it's supposed to help you relax. But these days I think I would be less relaxed if I unplugged. I'd just be stressed the entire time, "Who's trying to call me?" "Who's texting me?" (nobody probably but still) "What funny tweets am I missing?" "Is Shannon posting pics of Isla on Instagram?" etc.

All of this made me try to think of the last time I felt truly stress-free and it's like, NEVER. But really the best time of my life was the summer after high school, when I moved to Las Vegas and had like two months before I started college. What did I have to worry about????? Nothing! I had enough money from graduation to get me through until I started my on-campus job at the same time I started school and we had a pool. I went to the pool every day and at night ate Double Stuff Oreos and milk while watching Big Brother Season 5. BLISS. We didn't have the internet yet so when I wasn't playing Spider Solitaire or feeling adulty and tracking my expenses on Quicken (literally haven't done that since then), I was reading or going out to eat, or hanging out with my roommates and basically not having a care in the freaking world. If I could go back to any time in my life, that would be it.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, unplugging. I was so unplugged in those days! I had a cell phone obviously, but it was a Nokia brick with a translucent yellow cover and a "Tainted Love" monotone ringtone. It hardly had the functionality or addictive properties of my current iPhone. Let's be real, it hardly had any functionality at all! And I never felt held back by it because it's all I knew. I don't know if I was any better off then than I am now as far as my access to technology, but I know I was a lot less stressed and a lot more tan. But it's obvious that was due to the fact that I had no job, no school and such minimal responsibility I can barely comprehend it now.

At this point in the blog post, I should bring it home with a closing point that relates and makes sense. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I got nothing. This started as a post about unplugging, then a travel log of my weekend and then a nostalgic rant about the summer of 2004? But I've typed all this so I'm posting it.

Maybe I should just unplug this blog.

YouTube Tuesday: Dot Dot Dot

If you've ever spent any amount of time on the internet, you know that the "loudest" people are usually the dumbest. And, as I basically make my living spending time on the internet reading what people have to say about my employer on social networking sites and also I have yet to cancel my Facebook account where at least half of my "friends" have apparently had a missed connection with basic junior high grammar, spelling and common decency, I have seen my fair share of lower life forms expressing themselves on the internet. It's enough to make you lose all faith in humanity. As comedian Jon Heffron once tweeted, "Loud on the internet = no one listens to you in real life."

All that being said, after a hard week of dealing with angry customers on FB and Twitter who have a loose grasp on technology at best, my boss showed me a video that completely epitomizes dumb people on the internet and also made me literally cry with laughter.

After watching it with a coworker who missed the explanation and didn't think the video was NEARLY as funny as I did because he did not get what was happening, I feel a preface is in order. Basically what is happening is a gaming company released a PARODY video game, then some teenager who didn't get it was a parody reviewed it online, then a voice actor narrated his review, then Ricepirate animated it using Flash. Here is the YouYube description of the video:

"May, 18, 2009 : Super PSTW Action RPG is released by Rhete

February, 3, 2010 : Axman13 reviews Super PSTW

February, 4, 2010 : Dot Dot Dot (narration of Axman's review) by D-Mac-Double

January, 6, 2011 : Ricepirate animates Dot Dot Dot

In an age where the anonymous reviewer is held to no general standard of grammar or spelling, an intelligible trolling rant is a common and often eye-rolling occurrence. And when a game is meant as a parody of its genre, and a player playing it doesn't quite get the joke ... well, magic happens.

But the real triumph, is when an epic voice actor decides to perform a run-of-the-mill game review rant ... committing to all its grammatical belligerence. 

I present to you, Dot Dot Dot — Animated. I hop uyo enjo it."

I reley hop tha mad u pepole laf beacuase its the funnyest thin ive ever sean.

YouTube Tuesday: Can You Handle This?

I'm taking a mental health day today. IT'S A REAL THING. And nothing makes my mental healthier than my girl Beyonce'.

So yeah, did y'all catch the Beyonce' concert on Sunday? Oh what's that you say? It was a halftime show for some sort of football game?? Weird.

Anyway, whatever it was, SHE CRUSHED IT.  And I'm sure you've heard through your regular news consumption that KELLY AND MICHELLE WERE THERE AND IT WAS A DESTINY'S CHILD REUNION!

I MEAN...........

I haven't stopped talking about it or stopped watching this video for days and I am in a trance every time. Sorry it's so small, Pepsi is stingy. Just full screen that business.


Cause of death: Beyonce'.  My presidential campaign Beyonce' 2016 is already in motion and this video will get her elected FOR SUUUUUURE. 

So. Fierce.

i'm about to write a blog post about luke perry this is happening

Luke Perry was a surprise guest on the morning radio show this morning and it was the best/worst thing to ever happen to me. Dylan - I mean Luke - was totally cool and hilarious and I was like oh yeah I LOVE YOU.

First of all, did you know that Luke Perry is 47 YEARS OLD? I don't even know how this is possible. I mean, it's possible because he was born in October 1965. But it's not possible because it's Luke Perry and Dylan McKay is NOT going on 48. He's just not. I guess it would be pretty creepy for Cher Horowitz and I to continue saving ourselves for Luke Perry.

Hearing him on the radio on my way to work led to this encounter during my first hour at work:

Coworker: Brittany, come over here and look at this.
Me: No.
Coworker: Yes!
Me: CAN'T READING LUKE PERRY'S WIKIPEDIA PAGE.
Coworker: Um ok?

Then I looked at all the pictures on IMDB and at least three pages of Google images. And while he currently looks like this:

I will always think of him like this:

 And this:

 And this:

But let's be honest, either way he looks pretty good.

The reason why he is even doing the rounds on the radio is because he's going to be in a Hallmark Movie Channel movie this weekend called Goodnight for Justice: Queen of Hearts. SET YOUR DVRs PEOPLE. No seriously, I'm recording it and watching the crap out of it.

I also may need to watch Beverly Hills, 90210 on DVD as soon as humanly possible.

K I actually have to go work now, but it's going to be hard. Dreaming of Dylan McKay all the live long day.

he seemed unaware of the messiness of the arrangement

Here's a typical conversation when I hang out with my best friend Shannon and her husband Ronnie:

Ronnie: Shannon is hilarious. The other night she was like, 'I wonder how annoying my singing is.'

(laughter among all)

Shannon: Well! I just thought maybe it's annoying. 

Me: Your singing is beautiful you are perfect never change ever.

Something along those lines. 

Anyway, it got me thinking about how I am singing approximately 80 percent of my awake time and how annoying that might become to like a boyfriend or husband or whatever. And THEN I started thinking of all the other things that someone has to deal with when they decide to spend the majority of their time and maybe someday the rest of their life with me. It's a pretty terrifying list. Here are a few of the things that you boys can look forward to: 

1. Like I just mentioned, I'm going to sing a lot. Let's be clear: I don't have a good singing voice. It may even be considered a BAD singing voice. But that doesn't stop me. I like music and I love to have sing-a-longs in the car, in the shower, walking around in public, while I'm cleaning, at work, while I'm shopping, during movies (but NOT in theaters), at restaurants, basically just whenever. 

2. I dread doing dishes. I do them because I'm not disgusting, but I might complain about it and try to coerce you into doing them for me without outright asking. 

3. I will try to convert you to Almond Milk. You might resist, and that's ok, but just know that if you do, we'll always be having to buy two kinds of milk. 

4.  I absolutely hate mayonnaise. Like, it is so revolting to me. I will NEVER eat it by choice. I will make sandwiches for you with mayonnaise if you want, but I will probably make gross barfing sounds the entire time. 

5. I also hate seafood. So like, don't ever try to take me out to sushi. I will go to a sushi restaurant and order rice and vegetable tempura and egg rolls and not complain, but don't make me feel bad for not eating sushi. I've tried it, I don't like it, that's it. I do love Red Lobster though, so take me there whenever you want. 

6. I have to eat out on the weekends. It's just a part of who I am. 

7. I don't like my hands to be wet. 

8. I really like movies, but I also like to watch the same movies over and over again. You might walk in on me watching Clueless/Mean Girls/Pitch Perfect/Grease several times a month, but it's nothing to be concerned about. I just really really love those movies. 

9. I tell really long and detailed stories. But I promise to try and make them as entertaining as possible.

10. I will always insist on telling you about my dreams, even though they never make sense and I know you don't really care. 

11. I will always complain about my bangs while refusing to get rid of them. 

12. I believe in astrology. 

13. I believe in mediums. Mainly just Theresa Caputo. 

14. I'm going to want to take lots of pictures of us together and I know what angles make me look good, so please don't question it. 

15. I will secretly document funny/weird things you say and then blog and/or tweet about them later. 

16. I can't deal with wet surfaces. If you leave water or other liquids on the counter, table, floor, etc. I will die.

17. I'm going to make you come with me to hang out with my best friend and her husband and then we will probably ignore you guys for the rest of the night. 

18. It's going to be awhile before I let you look at the playlists on my iPod. That's personal stuff right there. 

19. I'm really weird about restaurant eggs. I can't eat them unless I know for sure they are real cracked fresh eggs. I will always order McDonald's and Einstein breakfast sans egg. YOUR EGGS ARE FAKE AND MICROWAVED OBS I DON'T WANT THAT.  Because fake meat I can deal with but apparently fake eggs is where I draw the line?

20. I cry at approximately 90 percent of movies and maybe like 60 percent of TV episodes. At times it will prompt you to wonder if I'm "ok" and OBVIOUSLY I'M NOT. Just kidding, I'm fine, just sit next to me and pretend nothing is happening.

21. I'm obsessed with Diet Coke and I'm extremely picky about it. I know which restaurants have/don't have Diet Coke, and fountain Diet Cokes are better than cans and cans are better than bottles. So like this is formula:

fountain > cans > 2-liter > 20 oz. bottle > anything that's not Diet Coke

I'm going to drink a lot of Diet Coke and I don't want to hear about how it makes you fat and it will probably give me cancer. We're all going to die somehow. You also might be sent on a Diet Coke run or two, although I will try to make this obsession a burden of my own and handle my own Diet Coke runs whenever possible.  But if I do ask you to go and get me one, make it a fountain. Preferably from 7-Eleven, but really most fountains will do.

22. I have an obscene amount of clothes/shoes/bags that I haven't worn in a long time that I will refuse to get rid of in the event that I MIGHT someday need it.

23. I crack my knuckles.

24. I have a bum knee. This is a legit thing - I've had surgery and everything. I will reference said bum knee when someone tries to get me to do extremely active things. Most of the time it's because I legitimately can't do it without seriously injuring myself. Other times it will simply be a convenient excuse, but I will NEVER fess up to that in real life. NEVER.

25. I'm a really good cook. But I get super stressed when I cook big meals and it may not seem like I like doing it, but I do. I just get stressed because I'm a perfectionist.

26. I have a white trash side. Sometimes I'm going to want to get the mail barefoot or eat macaroni and cheese with flamin' hot cheetos mixed in it.

27.  There are a lot of my fav TV shows that I won't make you watch on DVD with me. But I will make you watch the complete series of Roswell with me, probably more than once. But there's only three seasons so it's fine. Also that show is amazing so why are you complaining????

28. I'm kind of a hoarder. But like, not the gross kind. Just the kind that doesn't like to get rid of stuff. I promise I don't hoard trash or like animals or something.

29. I am a complete over-packer. As in, every time I go on a trip, I bring more stuff than I could ever possibly need. Going somewhere for a week? Bring everything I've ever worn in the last 3 - 5 months! A normal person's "weekender" bag is my overnight bag. A normal person's "overnight" bag is my purse.

30. I will relate everything in our lives to a song I know, probably a Taylor Swift one.

31. I'm going to obsess and fawn over hot celebrity guys; sometimes they will seem age inappropriate. See for reference: a significant number of posts on this blog.

32. I will make you look at old pictures and watch old home videos of me and my friends and family. I won't take offense if you are bored by them and walk away, but it won't stop me from trying.

33. I have long hair and it falls out in insane amounts. My hair will be literally everywhere and I'm really sorry about that. I hate it too. I will try to clean up after myself and I will forever be researching ways to prevent said hair loss but it might be a lifelong problem.

34. I hate being late, but more than that I hate when other people are late. So just like never be late mmkay?

35. I will probably be pretty obsessed with you and be like the best girlfriend/wife ever. Hope that's ok!

Now don't all the guys come knocking at once! 

I promise not to live blog the Golden Globes

Here's the thing. Right now I'm huddled in my apartment where I've been for the last 48 hours almost exclusively, watching the Golden Globes red carpet coverage. And I'm resisting the urge to live-blog it which would inevitably lead to live-blogging the award show itself. After what happened with the People's Choice Awards, I can't really in good conscience subject you to anything like that again right now. It's too soon. (Oh, speaking of the People's Choice Awards, after all that I didn't even watch the dumb show itself - I was busy living my life. In the end I'm glad I didn't because I heard who all the winners were and it was so ludicrous that I can't believe I spent any of my life thinking about that show, let alone voting LET ALONE writing an entire blog post about it. I know I said let's never speak of it again, but whatever.)

SO. What am I going to write about? Nothing in particular. This is really just to keep me from blogging about the Golden Globes and to give me something to do so I don't eat the entire time I'm sitting here watching. So here's what's been going on with me:

1.  I survived an entire HUGE snow storm without doing any of the following: getting in a car accident, getting stuck while driving, slipping on ice and/or falling in any manner, breaking down in tears while shoveling my very long sidewalk. That's all pretty impressive, believe it or not. And I was driving around my neighborhood looking at cars that were literally buried in the snow and was just super grateful that that didn't happen to my car because I will tell you that DEF would have made me cry.

2. My back is extremely sore and at first I thought it was because I literally haven't done anything for the last two days (see snow storm above) and like you know how sometimes you get sore if you lay in bed for too long? But THEN after just typing item number one up there, I realized that yesterday I did spend about an hour shoveling snow and that is probably why my back is really sore. That makes me feel a lot better about the whole backache situation.

3. I seriously hate when people say "goose pimples." People keep saying it on E! right now because it's "cold" at the Golden Globes apparently. (Seacrest called it "California Cold" which I guess is fair, but I really can't have sympathy for stars in dresses who are cold because it's 50 degrees out. I'm sorry but it's going to be -5 degrees when I go to work tomorrow, soooooo shut it.) Anyway what was I talking about? Oh yeah, disgusting goose pimples. Who says that??? It's goose bumps, people. Goose pimples makes you sound like a weird idiot.

4. I got Pitch Perfect on DVD for Christmas and I've watched it I think like 4 times already. It literally has not left my DVD player since I got home and I just freaking love it so much. I don't even know what else to say about it.

5. Destiny's Child is reuniting for the Super Bowl halftime performance. UMMM WHAT? Best news since the early '00s, really.

6. In a similar vein, I guess Justin Timberlake is releasing a single or an album or something soon, maybe tomorrow? He tweeted this teaser video the other day that I watched like three times in a row and nobody really knows what it means, but I guess we're going to find out sometime tonight? Whatever I'm excited despite all the question marks.

7. Work is going well I think - I basically realize daily that I have no idea what I'm doing in this life, but everyone does that right? RIGHT?

8. I really need a haircut because my ends are split and my bangs are borderline insane. But also my hair is longer than it's been in years and I'm really afraid to let go of that. These are real issues, you guys.

9. After thinking a lot about it, I realized that 2012 was the year that a lot of people in real life betrayed me and it was also the year when some of my favorite people are people that I met slash only communicate with via Twitter. And I am dealing with that very real and damaging fact.

10. My upstairs neighbor not only plays drums (terribly), he now plays shoot-em-up video games on surround sound. It's so annoying I could commit homicide, but it's also good to know that I'm not the most pathetic person that lives in this triplex. (I predict divorce by the end of 2013. YEAH HE'S MARRIED. Let that sink in, single people.)

11. I have an idea for another blog. Would you guys read TWO blogs of mine? Be honest.

I don't really know why I numbered those things - I guess that's just what I do. I'm going to go now because I'm going to MAKE myself something for dinner, which I hardly ever do anymore because who has time to cook? P.S. - the actual awards show hasn't even started yet so my whole idea of keeping myself busy while they are on really only lasted through the red carpet. Maybe I will clean my apartment and do laundry during the show. Maybe not.